Showing up, again and again

Now that I've got a consistent harmonium practice going,  I'm growing more aware of how I approach the harmonium each day. Before my new practice, I would pick songs to learn willy nilly and didn't have any particular exercises to do. I've been running on less sleep than normal lately because I've been up late stressing out over a freelance project. The harmonium has provided a welcome break from hours sitting at the computer, staring at its painful LCD screen. In the last few days, I've been relieved to play the harmonium, grateful for the chance to stop thinking about work.

Today was very different. Work went well and I got more sleep last night. But my Bilawal practice with Sa as D was a total wreck. Sa as C was great, but by the time I got to Sa as D I lost my energy for attention. The practices involve moving up and down the scales in increasing "sets" of keys -- as in, the first "set" is 3 keys, the second "set" is 4 keys, etc (one day I will do a whole post about my exercises, but likely not until this work project is done).

For example, the first "set" is in groups of 3s: Sa Re Ga, Re Ga ma, Ga ma Pa, Pa Da Ni, Da Ni Sa. 123, 234, 345, 456, 678. And then back down: 876, 765, etc.

All through practice I would play the groups in the wrong order, or would play the same group twice, instead of moving up or down the scale. My fingers weren't landing in the right place and were seriously tangled once the groups increased to include finger transfers (again, a topic for a later post). When you play the same groups twice it sounds like a skip in a record because the brain is anticipating the key change. It's strangely jarring.

One of my very first asana teachers likened her asana practice to building and maintaining an altar. Every time you show up you give it your full attention to notice how you're feeling mentally and emotionally and if the altar needs anything physically. It's a ritual check-in. The more you show up, the more subtle your awareness of yourself and the altar becomes because of your increasing awareness of time passing around the altar's stillness. Now that I'm showing up to the harmonium and scales (nearly) every day, I'm noticing the practice in the moment more. The thoughts start with: "Wow, I can't believe I'm playing this so poorly." The next thought: "Usually I can play this quite smoothly, albeit slowly." And the next: "What's different about me today compared to yesterday?"

In related news, I learned how to play "Ob La Di Ob La Da" -- though this kid is light-years ahead of me in terms of channeling the energy of the song. Chords found here.